If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Prologue

Week one: unto me a child is given

If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Just tinking

Channeling food

China sweeney

Strong and beautiful

Letters from camp

Week two: independence

Three Chinese nannies

Arden

Big strollers are bad

Three boyfriends and reflections on a high school crush

The birds and the bees

A fan letter

Sphexy

Week three: death

The decline and fall of practically everybody

Starter gods

Pussy

Baby on board

The color of skin

Phone bill

Week four: dependene

My nemesis

A proposal at Starbucks

An education

Hinky dink is sinking

Tomorrow they arrive.